You know, I almost posted about pretty much the same thing. I've been wondering if a femdom can call a time out and just have sweet, vanilla sex with her sub. Or even let him dominate to a degree. You know, just once in a while. Or if that might be paid for with retraining needed afterward.
My experience has been that it's taken time to achieve full dominance and I worry about backsliding, so to speak. I'm not in a committed relationship with my sub, but -in considering it- this is a factor. I'm not ready to commit to only experiencing the dom role indefinitely.
Oh I can relate to not being able to be ON all the time! YES a domme can call a time out and just have sweet, vanilla sex with her sub. The beautiful thing about being in a femdom relationship is I can do anything I want - especially in bed.
I encourage you not to worry about what a femdom relationship "ought" to be like, and make your relationship into whatever you want it to be. I encourage you to have an honest loving discussion with your sub about this - not when he's in sub-space if you know what I mean, but as two adults who have chosen to be in a power-exchange relationship. Many, many discussions! D/s has forced me to be much more emotionally intimate with my husband than with any other human being in my life ever.
We have incorporated D/s into our everyday activities, not just in the bedroom, but with us almost all sex is me dominating him to varying degrees. Having been together for 10 years it's not a hardcore session every night (although he wouldn't mind) but a couple times a month. The rest of the time sex is for ME, for whatever I want. And I remind him that's what submission is about -- not me fulfilling his fantasies, but him fulfilling mine.
i think that any relationship is going to be give and take somewhat. Obviously if he is truely Your sub then he will do as You wish. In my opinion the only time that a FemDomme would have to be top at all times is during a pay type of session where a specific sub has scheduled an appointment with You to be Dominated. Otherwise You are in a relationship.
Probably the most significant development with my wife (Mistress C) was in our first few months together when we were "experimenting". She had what I would call "performance anxiety"- she wasn't sure she was following my script. I told her that it was about me serving her, not the other way around. I meant it. I didn't have to tell her that twice. She took control and has never looked back. She most definitely will not allow me to top from the bottom. But you know what, I'm a pretty happy guy and frankly the envy of my male friends.
The reason I askedis because I am currently in a 9 month femdom relationship, And things have become rather monotonous. We always engage in the same form of sex, me dominating him. Frankly Im bloody confused.
It feels like Ive stopped having fun and now Im catering to him now which pisses me off. I feel like its not a challenge to dominate him anymore.
Weve experimented with a power exchange relationship but honestly the boy doesn't know where to begin. Often he is too rough for my tastes.
I don't know. Perhaps its me. I know this is our sexual identity but I dont want this to be our only means of expressing ourselves sexually and he's just too needy.
I dont know. Im stumped. Have you guys every experienced any sort of feeling like this? Sort of a "lust-block"??
So are You feeling like youd just like to have some vanilla sex with him?? Youd like to snuggle and make out on the couch and then go up to the bedroom and screw each others brains out?? At least just once in awhile?? id suggest having a conversation with him, maybe while you guys are out eating?? Cause lets be realistic, if You Domme him every time then it will eventually get stale or You'll have to continue to push limits until even You may get uncomfortable with what You're doing. im just guessing that in public he may act like Your equal for appearance purposes, that's why i suggested talking to him outside of the home.
Try some sex games that you can pick up at a local sex shop. The game will force him to take on certain roles with You. both vanilla and kinky. "Hey hon, if the game told me to, i'd better." Then respond super positively to the things that You really want him to do outside of the submissive role that he currently has. Cause let's be real, every man, sub or dom wants to please the Woman that he is with. If you go crazy when he performs some sex act with You that he wouldn't normally do as a sub then more than likely he'll do those things at other times too. Because it's always about Your pleasure, wheather a man is a sub or not they respond to a Woman going f*cking crazy during sex. Or anything for that matter. If You started moaning like You were having the greatest orgasim of Your lifem while he was massaging Your feet, trust me, he'll want to massage Your feet the next day too.
You could also see what happens when You focus on his pleasure too? When he gets home from work, pull his pants off, throw him on the bed and go down on him for a few minutes, then get up and put him inside You, fu&k him slow and kiss him, then get off and go down on him again, keep repeating until You know he has completely lost his mind, then finish him off. Ask him what he liked about it. Ask him, if he would like to try more vanilla things like that again? Keep it interesting, obviously You're in charge, do to him what You want
-- Edited by satinpantyslave on Monday 8th of November 2010 01:35:36 AM
I can't speak for all femdoms - but I know that for me, my femdom hunger ebbs and flows to some degree. While it is always there lingering under the surface (there's not a time where I don't "perk" at the sight of a hot man in bondage, or have my fantasies laced with BDSM imagery), my desire to act out in intense, passionate, ruthless ways can fluctuate.
The one thing I can't do is force it. If a sub sulks or hints or tries to manipulate me, my femdom urges just slip away. I can't dominate on command. I know that my urges to ACT on my ideas always come back - always. I may have a few days of "downtime" when my energy levels are low. I may have a very quiet period, even, of a week or two - and following these periods are always more intense, more ravenous bursts of energy. More importantly, I have found that if I just kind of let my desire build up, and not act on it as soon as I have a little "inkling" of lust, the result is much more exciting and my energy levels are higher and sustained longer.
It's like a hunger. That's the best way I can describe it. I can eat all the time, sure, daily, hourly, nibble, always staying "full." Or I can let a hunger build up until I am ravenous, and then it's so, so good.
My desires never go away for long.
Akasha
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Akasha's Web All original femdom erotica & relationship help since 1995
Speaking for myself, I have to say that I'm relieved to hear it, Akasha. You've been doing this much longer than have I and it's reassuring to hear that an ebb and flow is normal. I think such discussions and reassurances are exactly what a board like this is for.
It seems like there can be an expectation for a dom to always be "on" and I can imagine that a sub might feel like he were somehow a failure if unable to illicit such a response all the time. Just as classic erotica and porn give many a false expectation of femdom, I think we can give ourselves false expectations of stamina in dominance.
It really is such a relief to read this thread. I'm glad you started it, MaryJane!
All i can say from a subs point of view, at least mine, is that i wish my Wife would Dom me. God She is fricken hot!!! But i may be different, i wouldn't want Her to be "ON" all of the time. Maybe, im still a little bit unruly sometimes, but i would like it best if we were just in our normal marriage for about 350 to 360 days per year. Then occasionally, when i get home from work or whatever, She takes over and turns me into Her little bitch and makes me do whatever. Say we've been working pretty hard for a month or two straight, we are both teachers and we own a couple of side businesses; then all of the sudden some Friday i get home and She is waiting for me in some hot lingere, it could be Dom clothing, such as leather or whatever, or just Her sexy Panties. She commands me to strip down and holds me captive for the weekend. Makes me clean the house and do all of the work while She sits around and relaxes and torments me with Her Sexuality. She could whip me, tie me up, tease me, deny me, make me do things to Her, etc.... Then after the weekend is over, we go back to normal. At least i think this way when She would Dom me it would be surprising and new and unexpected. She would get a weekend sitting around in Her Sexy outfits and making me do stuff that i normally wouldnt do, or at least i wouldnt do all by myself. She would get a weekend of pampering, and relaxation. id be working my ass off, but would get my fantasies fullfilled for a few days per year. Then back to normal. im not sure if that can be obtained, i think it could by a couple that have known each other for a long period of time. i dont think it's possible for newly dating people as easily. Just due to the fact that if someone is in a new relationship and have given up total power and control to the other then they want that type of situation all of the time. So it's a double edged sword. i just know that i hope someday i can get my Wife to take charge of me for short periods of time. i guess that sounds kind of domineering in itself doesn't it?? get my Wife?? Nonetheless, those of You who know what im feeling know that it's not black and white, there is a lot of gray area; and if done right and lot of blue and pink too!!
