I imagine this is a fairly common problem. My wife and I occasionally (though not often enough) engage in evening of femdom which generally follow the same routine. She'll dress me as her "girl" slave and I'll do her nails, massage her, service her etc. Than she'll spank me a bit and peg me. I know she get off on this. She's never more wet when we do this. And she's read a number of books, and we've discussed things at length. Ive even printed stories that do it for me for her to read. But its never enough for me. And yes I know it should be about her, but...I need a little more pain. I need to not know the routine as if I've seen this movie a hundred times. Sooo... any thoughts on how to get someone (her) to admit they really enjoy this and to take it further. Or should I just be satisfied that I get some small part of my fantasy fulfilled.
You are already getting what a lot of men dream of and never find. The first thing is to make sure your lady feels very appreciated and encouraged, and not taken for granted. But more importantly that you ENJOY it -- no, that you enjoy what SHE makes you feel. Make it more about her than the act, always.
Next, just let her know, during "down time" when nothing kinky is going on (over a nice dinner, for example) that you think what she does is amazing, and you'd welcome her changing it up - adding an element of surprise - as she see fits. Just make sure she knows you are comfortable moving out of the routine.
But be careful what you wish for. You may find she goes in a direction you don't like at all, and you prefered it back to the sissy dress up, peg and play. You can't pull a bait and switch. If you are up for her changing things, be ready to accept them.
Also, take into consideration what you are asking for/hoping for. Is it more "frequency" and time from her, or more 'intensity' and higher level of kink/fetish? I have long told subs they can't have their cake and eat it too; you can have a femdom who enjoys it, gets wet, has a blast, and does it for HERSELF; or, you can have a femdom who does all the acts, how often you want, the way you want, but is just going through the motions. You can't have BOTH if they don't exist organically or evolve naturally - to force, encourage, expect her to increase intensity and/or change the fetishes to accommodate you then you are moving into territory where she is serving you. Which may be fine - but be ready to accept she may lost the flair and instead be doing "maintenance" because giving in is what she does out of love and affection, not primal femdom lust.
I consider myself pretty much 'organic' femdom to the core - I was born with these urges. Still, if a man expects me to dominate either more often than I am feeling the "lust" for, or to engage in acts that are not on my short list of hot kinks, I'm not getting anything out of it. I much prefer to dominate when my lusts are peaking and my urges are most intense. It goes in cycles depending on how tired I am, how distracted I am, and what else is on my mind; it ALWAYS comes back, but there are days that it's less-than, and for subs to expect me to be "on" more than I am, or when he needs it, is just a matter of incompatible desires.
Akasha
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Akasha's Web All original femdom erotica & relationship help since 1995
If my Wife did those types of things to me, id be more than satisfied. i'd do all of Her housework everyday if She just used Her Sexuality to control me. She'd never have to do anything that She didn't want to around the house ever again if She did the types of things your Wife is doing to you.
I totally agree with Akasha's remarks, especially to be grateful and to be careful what you wish for. The classic case is that the man introduces the concept of femdom, she embraces it and then takes control from the man. It truly becomes about her. Do you want to give up power and control? A submissive male must always remember to distinguish between a fantasy in one's head and one that they really want. It is one thing to be turned on by the idea of being a maid but it is something much different to be one. I would also add that patience is a virtue. I have been in a 10+ year femdom marriage and it is constantly evolving. That is one of the things I like best about our relationship. We sometimes laugh because in the beginning we would go to a BDSM store and see things that we said we would never use. Well, over time many of them have been added to our toy chest. And as Akasha's says, talking about desires and wants over dinner, etc is not only important it is very intimate. It is about trust to talk about your fantasies. How many couples really talk on that level? Finally, once again, be grateful.
Let me make one other suggestion. The very first book we bought was Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. It was a great book to read together- it sparked a lot of conversations. It is well written and often humorous. It also has a questionaire for the sub and dom about various activities. The ratings are : Yes (pant, drool), Mmmmmmm, I like this; Doesn't excite me but I'd do it for you darling; Absolutely not, I will call the cops; Intriguing, but scary, would push my limits; Embarassed to admit wanting/force me please. We had amazing conversations after doing this questionarie. We still do a variation of this every so often and it is still fun and informative.
